Isn't getting ready to meet someone for the first time supposed to be exciting in a good way? For some reason I always have a sense of dread, mostly due to time constraints. Trying to anticipate how long it will take to cover the zit on my nose with the miraculous growth allowing it to reach the size of a small planet overnight, and how long it will take to find a place I've never been, it's exhausting.
One date I was late, really late, because I had no idea where I was going and when I got there no parking could be find except for a far off spot near an industrial warehouse that looked like a spot to kidnap and kill young women. For this date it's not on a weekend so that may help, however it doesn't stop that pit in my stomach from dropping to my toes or making me feel completely out of control.
Deep breaths, deep breaths. It'll be fine.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Shut up and nod.
My mother and I have a habit of discussing scenarios that may never happen and planning a future life I may never have. Over the years we have discussed plans for weddings all around the world, some vague, some a detailed as to who we would invite to this fictitious event. Currently there are no men in my life but she and I have the rehearsal dinner all planned if the wedding should take place in Vegas, early spring would be best.
Once when we were discussing the children I may never have in this mock future thee idea of adoption came up and in particular adopting a child of Asian decent. Personally I feel that a kid is a kid and where they come from doesn’t matter as long as they are wanted and loved. My Grandma Pidgeon was visiting from her Detroit area home at the time. She always prided herself on being a “pip” in her old age in-between her lectures on the proper use of a rolling pin and renditions of “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds” were the title were the only lyrics used with an occasional “dee dee dee” in between.
She chimed in during the discussion and stated “I just don’t think I could look at a Chinese baby all day,” we acknowledged her opinion but didn’t stop to really take it into consideration as we had already moved onto which pre-schools this imaginary Asian child of mine should be attending. It wasn’t until a few years after her passing that it hit me what an incredibly racist comment that was.
I was talking to my mother on the phone about it recently and she agreed with my suspicions completely “oh yes I think she was racist, but I think she was tired at the time.” There is always an excuse to irregular or taboo behavior in my family that usually revolved around how tired or drunk a person was at the time. Comments that didn’t fall under those two categories such as “Your uncle is far too tall to be a lawyer” were simply taken in stride and quietly mocked later and generally thought of as “being a character”.
Beyond the closeted racism my grandmother led a rather risque life in her younger years, working in New York at Saks 5th Avenue, snagging my grandfather away from the girl his family had wanted him to marry, and accepting a watch, a gift that touched her skin, which was something looked down upon at the time. A good comparison would be gifting the Kama Sutra to your boyfriend or girlfriend at the family Christmas party. She ended up being kicked out of the place she was staying at the time due to that present.
Then of course World War 2 made life difficult with my grandfather stationed in India and raising a little girl, Aunt Clair, on her own. Later things didn’t get particularly easier, losing one of her four children after he had gone on to college, and the other children and eventually grandchildren being afflicted with a variety of physical and mental problems but still she kept her disposition from going sour. There has been cancer or organ failure/ major damage in just about every single person.
So when she made it through all of life’s trials and tribulations, it was decided that if grandma wants to look at the slightly depressed alter girl in church and yell out “what the hell is that” or simply must lay out pictures of an event on the kitchen counter to take a picture of all the pictures, we let her. And even though we may not have agreed with her stance on Asian adoption or wished she would have learned more than just a title of a song before starting to sing it, we smiled and nodded when she would look to us for recognition because that’s what you do when you love someone. You shut up and you nod.
Once when we were discussing the children I may never have in this mock future thee idea of adoption came up and in particular adopting a child of Asian decent. Personally I feel that a kid is a kid and where they come from doesn’t matter as long as they are wanted and loved. My Grandma Pidgeon was visiting from her Detroit area home at the time. She always prided herself on being a “pip” in her old age in-between her lectures on the proper use of a rolling pin and renditions of “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds” were the title were the only lyrics used with an occasional “dee dee dee” in between.
She chimed in during the discussion and stated “I just don’t think I could look at a Chinese baby all day,” we acknowledged her opinion but didn’t stop to really take it into consideration as we had already moved onto which pre-schools this imaginary Asian child of mine should be attending. It wasn’t until a few years after her passing that it hit me what an incredibly racist comment that was.
I was talking to my mother on the phone about it recently and she agreed with my suspicions completely “oh yes I think she was racist, but I think she was tired at the time.” There is always an excuse to irregular or taboo behavior in my family that usually revolved around how tired or drunk a person was at the time. Comments that didn’t fall under those two categories such as “Your uncle is far too tall to be a lawyer” were simply taken in stride and quietly mocked later and generally thought of as “being a character”.
Beyond the closeted racism my grandmother led a rather risque life in her younger years, working in New York at Saks 5th Avenue, snagging my grandfather away from the girl his family had wanted him to marry, and accepting a watch, a gift that touched her skin, which was something looked down upon at the time. A good comparison would be gifting the Kama Sutra to your boyfriend or girlfriend at the family Christmas party. She ended up being kicked out of the place she was staying at the time due to that present.
Then of course World War 2 made life difficult with my grandfather stationed in India and raising a little girl, Aunt Clair, on her own. Later things didn’t get particularly easier, losing one of her four children after he had gone on to college, and the other children and eventually grandchildren being afflicted with a variety of physical and mental problems but still she kept her disposition from going sour. There has been cancer or organ failure/ major damage in just about every single person.
So when she made it through all of life’s trials and tribulations, it was decided that if grandma wants to look at the slightly depressed alter girl in church and yell out “what the hell is that” or simply must lay out pictures of an event on the kitchen counter to take a picture of all the pictures, we let her. And even though we may not have agreed with her stance on Asian adoption or wished she would have learned more than just a title of a song before starting to sing it, we smiled and nodded when she would look to us for recognition because that’s what you do when you love someone. You shut up and you nod.
Thank goodness for online dating
After the nasty realization that a long distance relationship I had at one time was truly nothing thanks to some lovely pictures on the Internet, I immediately went online and put my profile on those dating websites. Not only did I need a confidence boost by listing my own assets after the last person I dated made it a point to always list my faults and tell me what a terrible person I was, but I needed to find a descent guy who wasn’t over 2,000 miles away and actually liked me.
What I found interesting was how everyone seemed to come to the consensus that it was near impossible to meet quality people in Las Vegas. I completely agree with that idea but it seems a bit asinine that hundreds of people in this large yet compact city can’t seem to find each other, we must all be walking around with our eyes closed. Or, as in my case, living in the suburbs full of families and working with married couples.
Within a few hours several gentlemen showed initiative through “winks” and “pokes” which means they like you but are too nervous or don’t care enough to actually talk to you. After messing up a few times (sorry boys) I finally was able to communicate with a few individuals and as I was fresh off a self righteous trip and full of piss and vinegar I agreed to dates. With all of them. Date one is with a computer programmer or something along those lines as many of the information items on profiles are fill in the blank with the stock answer that best fits what it is you do. So computer/information/ technology could mean they write software or run the cash register at McDonald's, you never know
At the very least my hurt has been replaced, but replaced with anxiety. I’m not a good first impression person, as a student of human behavior I tend to change my mannerisms to fit the people and situation I am with and in. This is great for social gatherings but for showing your personality to someone, not so much. To be honest I’m not quite sure what my personality is, I like opera and Family Guy, I like dumb jokes and good pieces of art, I’m happy in a dive bar or a high class restaurant. So let’s just say I'm a “Jack of all Trades”, or as my mother calls it “completely indecisive."
What I found interesting was how everyone seemed to come to the consensus that it was near impossible to meet quality people in Las Vegas. I completely agree with that idea but it seems a bit asinine that hundreds of people in this large yet compact city can’t seem to find each other, we must all be walking around with our eyes closed. Or, as in my case, living in the suburbs full of families and working with married couples.
Within a few hours several gentlemen showed initiative through “winks” and “pokes” which means they like you but are too nervous or don’t care enough to actually talk to you. After messing up a few times (sorry boys) I finally was able to communicate with a few individuals and as I was fresh off a self righteous trip and full of piss and vinegar I agreed to dates. With all of them. Date one is with a computer programmer or something along those lines as many of the information items on profiles are fill in the blank with the stock answer that best fits what it is you do. So computer/information/ technology could mean they write software or run the cash register at McDonald's, you never know
At the very least my hurt has been replaced, but replaced with anxiety. I’m not a good first impression person, as a student of human behavior I tend to change my mannerisms to fit the people and situation I am with and in. This is great for social gatherings but for showing your personality to someone, not so much. To be honest I’m not quite sure what my personality is, I like opera and Family Guy, I like dumb jokes and good pieces of art, I’m happy in a dive bar or a high class restaurant. So let’s just say I'm a “Jack of all Trades”, or as my mother calls it “completely indecisive."
Monday, May 18, 2009
Pools in Las Vegas
It's May here so it's hot and I've started my weekend pool rounds.
First up was the Flamingo. I like the lagoon feel, I like the palm tree islands with the built in pool benches. I don't like drunk guys playing with big blue balls and hitting them towards me because they are too drunk to aim.
Then I went over to the Mirage and tried the European pool (that means topless). My top stayed on, until I did I quick check for leaves, but many other tops did not. I have boobs, I don't need to see boobs, but I would go again just to look at the bartender. He was a pretty man, I went with a male friend and he was the first to comment about the attractiveness of the guy "he's so pretty I'd do him".
This weekend it's back to the Flamingo ( Michigan friends are in town) and perhaps to Wet Republic at the MGM Grand.
Pool hopping is great and if the sun didn't burn the crap out of me, I'd have an even better time.
First up was the Flamingo. I like the lagoon feel, I like the palm tree islands with the built in pool benches. I don't like drunk guys playing with big blue balls and hitting them towards me because they are too drunk to aim.
Then I went over to the Mirage and tried the European pool (that means topless). My top stayed on, until I did I quick check for leaves, but many other tops did not. I have boobs, I don't need to see boobs, but I would go again just to look at the bartender. He was a pretty man, I went with a male friend and he was the first to comment about the attractiveness of the guy "he's so pretty I'd do him".
This weekend it's back to the Flamingo ( Michigan friends are in town) and perhaps to Wet Republic at the MGM Grand.
Pool hopping is great and if the sun didn't burn the crap out of me, I'd have an even better time.
Alaska and Marriage
I have a friend who is applying to teach in Alaska. When I first heard about it images off the show Deadliest Catch flashed in my mind and I saw her working in a tiny harbor town with the rough necks from the show. She's actually going to be in the Southern part close to British Columbia, still cool, but not nearly as exciting.
Oh and she's engaged too, and her brother is, and friends of her brother are already married, and all my friends are married and already having kids and it got my thinking, have I missed the wedding boat?
I'm 28 and it seems that most people have at least snagged the guy they want to marry by that time and have begun to beat them into submission to force an engagement. A statement I've heard a few times from several guys in various versions is, "when we get married she'll settle down" or "it'll be better when we are married". Yeah, nothing changed for them the poor dudes.
Honestly though, I come from a family that had a lot of women in it that never got married, mostly because of World War 2 and there weren't any men left, that and these women were picky as hell. But I don't see it as a fault that I'm not hooked to someone right now.
In fact I think it's a good thing with the failing economy, as an arts education teacher, my job is the first to go. Already my position has changed every year since I moved to Las Vegas and next year I'm half time at the current school I work in and half time wherever they stick me. To keep from freaking out about it I've been overly positive about the whole thing. I tell myself it'll be an adventure, I get to take a mental break from school during my daily commute to another work place, I get to know twice the kids, I get to work on twice the repertoire and that will make me a better conductor and other such happy thoughts. And by saying all these things I can block out, at least for a while, that nagging voice that tells me I have 1 more year in this place before they take my job away completely because contracts are up in 2010 and mine may not be picked up.
Yes, they can do that.
So for that reason, it's good to be single and childless because taking care of and moving 1 person is much simpler than moving a family and looking for 2 new jobs instead of one.
Do I wonder if it will happen? Sometimes, and I'm such a forward thinker I already have the whole thing planned, I just need a guy who's good looking and thinks I'm the cat's pajamas, the bees knees, and pretty great overall.
I would also like it if he was a millionaire, and I really don't think that's too much to ask:)
Oh and she's engaged too, and her brother is, and friends of her brother are already married, and all my friends are married and already having kids and it got my thinking, have I missed the wedding boat?
I'm 28 and it seems that most people have at least snagged the guy they want to marry by that time and have begun to beat them into submission to force an engagement. A statement I've heard a few times from several guys in various versions is, "when we get married she'll settle down" or "it'll be better when we are married". Yeah, nothing changed for them the poor dudes.
Honestly though, I come from a family that had a lot of women in it that never got married, mostly because of World War 2 and there weren't any men left, that and these women were picky as hell. But I don't see it as a fault that I'm not hooked to someone right now.
In fact I think it's a good thing with the failing economy, as an arts education teacher, my job is the first to go. Already my position has changed every year since I moved to Las Vegas and next year I'm half time at the current school I work in and half time wherever they stick me. To keep from freaking out about it I've been overly positive about the whole thing. I tell myself it'll be an adventure, I get to take a mental break from school during my daily commute to another work place, I get to know twice the kids, I get to work on twice the repertoire and that will make me a better conductor and other such happy thoughts. And by saying all these things I can block out, at least for a while, that nagging voice that tells me I have 1 more year in this place before they take my job away completely because contracts are up in 2010 and mine may not be picked up.
Yes, they can do that.
So for that reason, it's good to be single and childless because taking care of and moving 1 person is much simpler than moving a family and looking for 2 new jobs instead of one.
Do I wonder if it will happen? Sometimes, and I'm such a forward thinker I already have the whole thing planned, I just need a guy who's good looking and thinks I'm the cat's pajamas, the bees knees, and pretty great overall.
I would also like it if he was a millionaire, and I really don't think that's too much to ask:)
Alec Baldwin and Burritos
Alec Baldwin came to me in a dream the other night. He told me I needed to start slowing my speech pattern when talking in public so that people can understand me better.
Most people talk about crazy or cool dreams like skydiving, being famous, or partying with a bunch of supermodels. I get lectures on how to present myself in public. Ah well, at least I learned something:)
What is it about frozen burritos that make them last forever? I've had a family pack of El Monterey Burritos in the freezer for about 4 months now and they are still fine, well as fine as frozen burritos can be.
When I was looking up nutrition facts to enter into Weight Watchers, yes I do it, and yes I break the rules at times but overall it's working pretty well, I couldn't believe they actually had recipes for their burritos.
Call me crazy, but I thought the whole point of most frozen food is that you don't have to make anything, just heat it up. But El Monterey has come up with several frightening and calorie filled techniques to add some pizazz to your burrito experience and grantee that you will need an angioplasty in a little as 18 months! I love America, only in a free country would terrifying food like this not only be created, but put into an easy to read format for the masses.
See for yourself....
http://www.elmonterey.com/mexicanrecipes/burritos.aspx
Most people talk about crazy or cool dreams like skydiving, being famous, or partying with a bunch of supermodels. I get lectures on how to present myself in public. Ah well, at least I learned something:)
What is it about frozen burritos that make them last forever? I've had a family pack of El Monterey Burritos in the freezer for about 4 months now and they are still fine, well as fine as frozen burritos can be.
When I was looking up nutrition facts to enter into Weight Watchers, yes I do it, and yes I break the rules at times but overall it's working pretty well, I couldn't believe they actually had recipes for their burritos.
Call me crazy, but I thought the whole point of most frozen food is that you don't have to make anything, just heat it up. But El Monterey has come up with several frightening and calorie filled techniques to add some pizazz to your burrito experience and grantee that you will need an angioplasty in a little as 18 months! I love America, only in a free country would terrifying food like this not only be created, but put into an easy to read format for the masses.
See for yourself....
http://www.elmonterey.com/mexicanrecipes/burritos.aspx
Friday, May 15, 2009
Friday's
I have a love hate relationship with Friday's. Love that the week is almost over, hate that every day I end up teaching a guitar class, in a high school, with all grades mixed in, and the ratio of boys to girls is 13 to 1.
Sounds like a bad joke, well I'm not laughing.
That's not true, I laugh to keep from screaming, these people push you for fun.
And sometimes I wonder what the future of america will be when we rely on this generation to get the job done. They can't seem to do anything except try and get out of things. Perhaps they could turn that tallent into an international marketing sceme.
Get out of stuff, Have other's pay your debt. Americans know how and we want to teach you!
Sounds like a bad joke, well I'm not laughing.
That's not true, I laugh to keep from screaming, these people push you for fun.
And sometimes I wonder what the future of america will be when we rely on this generation to get the job done. They can't seem to do anything except try and get out of things. Perhaps they could turn that tallent into an international marketing sceme.
Get out of stuff, Have other's pay your debt. Americans know how and we want to teach you!
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